Today is my wedding anniversary. Knotted since 1994, the longest that I have ever stayed at a job.
Recently, I watched video from our honeymoon. We went to Kansas City-honeymoon hotspot of the world. Ok, we really went there because we love big cities with lots to see and do and good food-KC has all that and then some. Plus we are both fair skinned so frying on a beach in the Carribean is not really good fun for us.
When I see that young couple on the screen, all I can think is “you have no idea what you have are getting into”. Nobody really tells you how tough marriage is, how difficult it is to change at the same rate. Nobody says that you will continue to grow and that it’s almost a given that it will not be in the same direction. Or perhaps they do tell you, but without the actual experience, those statements are a foreign language to a young couple in (crescendo) LOVE! Peaks and valley’s? Yeah sure, we know, we can handle it.
Definitely young in the emotional sense of the word.
The peaks are so very high and filled with joy; the worst of the valley’s, so very dark. Our history together is nothing like the beginning; we have both changed and remained the same. There have been times when we have hung onto the marriage by our fingernails, almost welcoming the drop. Other times we have actually felt the relationship deepening to a better level.
What keeps us together? Hard to say really. For me, it’s not a fear of being alone; there are times when that has great appeal. Often though, I look at him and see he has value (nope, he’s broke-I am talking internal stuff). He is important to me. The history and shared experience plays a large part of it. The (crescendo) LOVE! has changed and evolved into something more solid while still keeping some original characteristics. This is a little sad but also better.
I am not qualified to say that we have a successful marriage, we are not at the end of the road yet and are still a work in progress. But we are still holding steady; we are still the most important person for each other, we still have love. Nothing profound and deep, but solid and real.